The Art of Drowning

Where do I even start?

I was drowning in the darkness…

That seems a sufficiently dramatic introduction. 

Hi, I’m Amara, and I’m tired of existing. Before you panic, I’m not going anywhere. I just need to get some things off my chest, and I’m hoping you can relate. I’ve been wanting to get back into writing for a while now, and I need someone to talk to, so here I am. 

I am an artist, creative to the core, endlessly curious and obsessed with healing through self expression. I specialize in creating dark, conceptual self portraits that explore what it means to be alive. This work has saved my life on more than one occasion, and I want to save others with it. Have you ever thought about where you might be if you never discovered your favorite band? Book? Art saves us, whether we’ve noticed it or not. Humans need to be seen, and nothing makes us feel more seen than a creation that resonates with us. 

It’s been a rough handful of years, and I’m walking a fine line between hope and despair. The darkness encroaches, threatening to drag me into the depths. I believe with every fiber of my being that I’m meant for so much more than the life I was given, and I am relentless in my pursuit of that life becoming my reality, but I am also tired. So very tired. Chronic illness doesn’t cooperate well with grand ambition, I’ve discovered. Working a muggle job takes so much of my energy, and I feel my soul wither. I am meant to create. Nothing else will do. 

I think we’re all tired. Look around. This world has fallen so far from its promise. We should not be so isolated, so alone, in a world so connected by technology. So here I am, in the world we’ve built, refusing to be satisfied. I want to pour myself into these pages, into my creations. I want you to see yourself there- to know you are not alone. I want us to rebel against this world by connecting with each other, a revolution of acceptance and care. I want you to see me, and not look away. 

I also want you to know how uncomfortable telling you this makes me. I want you to know we are the same. But I believe vulnerability is necessary for meaningful connection. It is necessary for creating works of art that heal us and each other. Welcome to my journey. I’m looking forward to watching it unfold together. 

Thank you for seeing me.